2 Years

Reaching this time of year, I began to think back to two years ago as we were in the middle of having our whole lives change all around us. In September of 2008, our beautiful daughter, Eliza, was born. While in the hospital, we found out she failed her newborn hearing screening, and we were totally shocked. This led to questions about Johnny, who was almost two and not saying a word. By December of that same year it was confirmed that both Johnny and Eliza had progressive, permanent hearing loss due to enlarged vestibular aqueducts. I remember how strange it all felt at the time, and how lost we felt as parents. We never imagined having to deal with such a tragedy!
Two years later, having two deaf kids is just the norm. We have since had a third child, who is hearing. Now that's strange for us. I remember feeling heartbroken for my kids, thinking about all the things they would miss out on. Now, I look at my kids and am amazed at how wonderful they are. I don't think they miss out on anything.
It's been a crazy journey for us. When the possibility first arose that our kids might be deaf or hard of hearing, we started learning a few signs, and teaching them to Johnny. We looked at ASL as a way to temporarily communicate with him until he got hearing aids or a cochlear implant. We were sold on the ideas from doctors that despite being deaf, our kids could still have a normal happy life. We continued to use sign with Johnny as we waited four months while he tried the hearing aids before he could get a cochlear implant (this was shortened from six). Then we took him in to have the procedure done. He was so tough and handled it all so well. After a month, we went in for the magical day called " Hearing Birthday" (we don't remember the exact date anymore), when they activated the processor and our son would hear for the first time. A funny thing happened. He heard, and he didn't really seem to care one or the other. He was still the same old Johnny. We worked with him on his speech and listening skills, went in regularly to get his mapping done, and went at least once a week to therapy. Johnny continued to be Johnny, and continued not talking. Our parents kept waiting and wondering when he was going to start saying his first words, but they never really came. However, he was soaking up new signs like a sponge. His whole world was open to him now, in a way he could understand, and a way he loved. A funny thing happened as we went to pre-schools, trying to decide which was right for him. He sat in the oral pre-school and just stared as the teacher spoke to the other kids. He then got up and went over to the toys and decided he was done with that class. We took him to the TC class (no longer offered), the class we were leaning toward, and it was similar to the oral class. Then we took him to the signing class. He came alive. I remember they were learning about apples. The teacher read a book about apples, then they went over to a table where they had some apple peelers and peeled some apples. Johnny was totally engaged. We stayed in that class for over an hour. I think it was then that we realized, as much as we thought we were making a decision for the rest of Johnny's life, he had already made it for us. He had already chosen the visual path for himself. He still loves his school. He comes home everyday ready to go back.
Eliza has been a different experience. She signs. Last time Erica counted, she uses over 200 signs. Not bad for a 2 year old. But she also says a few words,and responds to sound. Her hearing hasn't dropped as much as Johnny's yet, so her hearing aids still do quite a bit of good. I think, as Eliza continues to grow in both the hearing world and the deaf world, she will continue to grow in both languages. She is a talker, and she will talk in any language to anyone who will listen. She wakes up in the morning, and the first thing she does is bring us her hearing aids and wants them in. Totally different from Johnny. But just as great and wonderful.
I suppose having two deaf kids in our family has been a huge blessing for us. One thing that we have learned is to value that everyone is different. What works for our son may not work for our daughter, let alone someone else's child. The other thing that we have learned, probably in conjunction with the first thing, is that the child really does know sometimes what they want, and how important it is to follow their lead. We thought we knew what we wanted for Johnny, but he showed us what he wanted. I am grateful for my wife, who was smart enough to be paying attention.
I remember two years ago venturing out into the Deaf community. It was scary. My wife went to the first few activities without me. She was nervous. I was nervous the first time I went. We had heard from the medical professionals about how closed off the Deaf community was. How if we chose signing, our kids would grow up in a different world from us, and we would never be close. I am so grateful that despite these warnings we did venture out into the Deaf world. Some of the best people I know, I met at these activities. Meeting some of these people gave us the courage to follow Johnny's lead, to know that if he did choose ASL as his primary language, he would turn out just fine. He could still be normal.
Where does this leave us now? We are not giving up on Johnny's CI. We have an appointment set up for a different audiologist next week. This has been something we have been considering lately, something we have not been opposed to, but something we needed to decide on our own. I think we view his CI, and maybe CI's in general, not as a cure, but a tool for communication. I think that for Johnny, learning spoken english will still be an important skill for him, but ASL will always be his primary, first language. I think Eliza will have a little easier time with spoken english, but ASL will still be her primary language. I think their signing has become a part of who they are. They have made it part of their identity.
More importantly, I am looking forward to the next two years, and the two years after that and so on, and for all the surprises that will come our way.